So, as promised, here’s my update on my magical transformation from Sea Hag back into an Old Whore. Cue eye roll and derisive snicker. Back in Sept., you may recall that I looked in the mirror and, much to my chagrin, saw the yellow fried straw that was my hair…the wrinkled brown-spotted leather that was my skin…the sagging mass of jello that was my butt…I vowed to ameliorate (that’s for you, Jen) the hideous situation(s)…
So, part of my plan has WORKED! Shocking!! Here’s the good stuff:
LATISSE! WOW. This stuff really really works. Been using it since early Sept. My eyelashes are, in word, f*ckingamazing. Long LONG. Black. So black that I can go without mascara (actually look better without mascara b/c they are just so long — the mascara is best saved for Date Nights or other special occasions) and are so black that it seems to look like I have eyeliner on (top only) even when I don’t! WIN WIN WIN! The only drawback, if you could call it that, is that the lashes do need to be curled or I look a bit like the Snuffleupagus. And, I have decided to start using the Latisse every other night, rather than every night. Cannot imagine having them even longer than they are! Epic WIN! 
long, black, uncurled lashes
The next thing that was WORKED (woot!) is the Sketchers Shape Ups! Remember these not-cool-looking sneaks?
Shape Ups for the WIN!
They are vaguely orthopedic looking, no? But, they are so comfy. Seriously could wear them all day and night. I wear them on the treadmill, walking the Black Beast, doing errands. It’s like walking on fluffy clouds. AND, the best part? I swear to God…my butt *is* higher and tighter! Not like you would ever look at me and say ‘OMG, her butt is so small and tight and hot’ or anything..but…I am 43 and my butt is looking maybe 40 now! Another WIN!
Onto the hair. This one is difficult to categorize due the ever-changing nature of the beast. One day I’m freshly highlighted and trimmed, the next? Big gray stripe and split ends! WTH? But, overall, my hair is vastly improved. Have had it done 3x since Sept. (maintenance is a b*tch, people) with LOWlights…had the just the roots touched up as well. And, I asked my guy, Danny, to ‘warm it up’ this last time. And THAT has really helped. It’s just so much better than my ‘cool’ tone, which surprised me b/c I am naturally more of an ash blonde (and G is a very ashy almost green haired kid)…but, instead of it becoming orangey or reddish (which is what warm meant in my head), it’s just subtly more of a caramel tone, I think. Still highlighted but toned way down. Much much better, methinks.
Now, the one thing that hasn’t really worked. The skin. Have used the tri-luma cream since mid-September. Overall, my skin is lighter and slightly (very) more even. However, there are still brown splotches! I have even been using an SPF 50 moisturizer each day! AND, on the advice of the esthetician, I added a glycolic acid as part of the a.m. routine. Really hoped for more. She had said that I would probably want to move to something more aggressive like the Obagi stuff. (LMac? Good stuff, right??) Sigh. I guess so. KBB advised a laser treatment but I’m still too scared Oh, and another downside is that you cannot wax when using a retinoid like tri-luma. Apparently, the skin is weakened and the wax could rip off another layer (or 2!) of skin! Yikes. So, that meant I have had to do ‘threading’ which is &@$@) torture. Brows, lip, chin. Agony. Way more painful than waxing. Grumble.
Overall, not too shabby. At my age, I will take any improvements! Better to move ever-so-slightly ahead than to backslide, right?? Right. But, we’re having this blizzard and what’s a girl to do? EAT. Not walk the doggie in her Shape Ups. Merry Fatmas! LOL
